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  Haiti - General Discussion
 
Subject Topic: JOKES...JOKES...JOKES Post Reply Post New Topic
Message posted by amberabdias on November-26-2003 at 7:01pm - IP Logged
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I'm all for free speach but that one could go into the Trash without being missed! ~Ambers opinion



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"The good Lord set definite limits on man's wisdom, but set no limits on his stupidity - and that's just not fair!" ~ Konrad Adenauer, Chancellor of Germany

Message posted by amberabdias on November-26-2003 at 7:13pm - IP Logged
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Executive Decision

A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, "You've shown an outstanding aptitude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell."

"I don't know!" she flounders.

"Tell you what," St. Peter says, "You can have 24 hours in heaven and 24 hours in hell. Then you have to decide where to spend eternity."

"Okay then," she says. "I'll start with heaven since I'm here already."

She goes in the pearly gates and makes some acquaintances. They have a nice walk among beautiful gardens. They have a nice quiet lunch. They have a nice stroll along a pristine, white, sandy beach looking out on brilliant blue ocean. At the end of the day she is shown to a nice room, and has a quiet meal on the balcony, looking out over the setting sun and the ocean. She marvels at the scenic beauty of heaven.

The next morning, St. Peter takes her to the fiery gates of hell and hands her off to Satan.

Satan takes her to a power breakfast given in her honor. Then she is escorted to a tennis club where she is greeted by her old boss, some co-workers, and previous business acquaintances. She plays a few sets of tennis and catches up on the gossip. At lunchtime her old boss takes her to a gourmet restaurant and she has an excellent meal with vintage wine.

After lunch he takes her to an exclusive golf course and they play 18 holes of golf. She runs into other business acquaintances and catches up on news and gossip.

After golf, he drops her at a spa where she is pampered and spoiled by beauty and body treatments. When she is finished at the spa, an acquaintance takes her shopping at designer stores. She picks out a fabulous evening gown, and Satan himself takes her to a huge party with drinking, dancing, gourmet food, and famous people.

At the end of the evening, a stretch limo drops her off at a five-star hotel. As she soaks in the Jacuzzi tub, and sips the complimentary champagne, she ponders eternity.

The next morning, she meets St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Well, have you made your decision?" He asks.

"I've decided on hell," she announces.

"So be it." St Peter waves goodbye and she reappears before the fiery gates of hell.

Once inside she is teamed up with her old boss again, only this time everyone is wearing rags. They are filthy, diseased, malnourished, and living in a barren desert. They have to scrounge for food, water, clothing, even shade.

"What happened!?!" She exclaimed.

"Well," said her boss, "Yesterday you were a recruit. Today you are staff."



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"The good Lord set definite limits on man's wisdom, but set no limits on his stupidity - and that's just not fair!" ~ Konrad Adenauer, Chancellor of Germany

Message posted by amberabdias on November-26-2003 at 7:15pm - IP Logged
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Yo mama's so fat... rehab...

Yo mama is so fat that she has to go to rehab for mainlining pork chops.

Message posted by amberabdias on November-26-2003 at 7:17pm - IP Logged
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Yo Mama's so hairy... armits

Yo Mama's armpits are so hairy, she looks like she got Don King in a headlock!

Message posted by Guest on November-26-2003 at 9:17pm - IP Logged
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Quel est le moyen radical pour se faire vomir?
-        Il faut se mettre un doigt dans la bouche et un autre dans le derrière. Si ça ne marche pas, on inverse.

Pourquoi les Mexicains glanent-ils si peu de médailles lors des jeux Olympiques?
- Parce que tous les Mexicains qui savent nager, courir ou sauter sont aux États-Unis

Quelle est la différence entre un cochon et un chien?
- Le cochon c'est celui qui te vole ta femme, et le chien c'est celui qui te la ramène

Bèl kreyòl

 


Message posted by Guest on November-26-2003 at 9:22pm - IP Logged
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Quelle est la différence entre les femmes quand elles ont 8 ans, 18 ans et 48 ans?
- À 8 ans, on les met au lit en leur racontant des histoires
.À 18 ans, on leur raconte des histoires et on les met au lit
.À 48 ans, on leur raconte des histoires pour éviter d'aller au lit.

Quel est le point commun entre une femme et une tornade ?
- Elles viennent toutes les deux chaudes et humides, et elles repartent avec la maison, les meubles et la voiture

Quel est le temps du verbe dans la phrase suivante : "Je suis enceinte" ?
- C'est l'imparfait du préservatif.

Où habitait Bethoven ?
- Dans son do-mi-si-la-do-ré, au sous-sol.
Et pourquoi avait-il fait poser du carrelage partout?
- Parce que c'est fa-si-la-si-ré

Bèl kreyòl


Message posted by tijou on November-27-2003 at 8:43am - IP Logged
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Good one, wish i had a funny bone...

-----------------
TiJou
Words are the least reliable purveyor of truth...

Message posted by Guest on November-29-2003 at 4:08pm - IP Logged
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What's a NIGGER?

The black gentleman who just left the room

What's a FAGGOT?

The gay gentleman who just left the room.


Message posted by Guest on November-29-2003 at 4:17pm - IP Logged
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What's the difference between crucification and circumcision?

with crucification you throw away the Jew.


Message posted by Guest on November-29-2003 at 10:55pm - IP Logged
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how do you find the holes on a fat girl?

   you roll her in flour and look for the wet spots


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